excerpt.

My own words will not suffice.

From Dietrich Bonhoeffer himself:

"Human love can never understand spiritual love, for spiritual love is from above; it is something completely strange, new, and incomprehensible to all earthly love. Because Christ stands between me and others, I dare not desire direct fellowship with them. As only Christ can speak to me in such a way that I may be saved, so others, too, can be saved only by Christ himself. This means that I must release the other person from every attempt of mine to regulate, coerce, and dominate him with my love....


...I must leave him his freedom to be Christ's; I must meet him only as the person that he already is in Christ's eyes...


...Human love constructs its own image of the other person, of what he is and what he should become. It takes the life of the other person into its own hands. Spiritual love recognizes the true image of the other person which he has received from Jesus Christ; the image that Jesus Christ himself embodied and would stamp upon all men. Therefore, spiritual love proves itself in that everything it says and does commends Christ. It will not seek to move others by all too personal, direct influence, by impure interference in the life of another. It will not take pleasure in pious, human fervor and excitement. It will rather meet the other person with the clear Word of God and be ready to leave him alone with this Word for a long time, willing to release him again in order that Christ may deal with him...


...Human love lives by uncontrolled and uncontrollable dark desires; spiritual love lives in the clear light of service ordered by the truth. Human love produces human subjection, dependence, constraint; spiritual love creates freedom of the brethren under the Word." 

conviction.

There's simply no other word for it.

Many times I run to Jesus when I don't feel too awesome. I know he sustains so I want him to fix me with spending a little time with him. It's not pure and its very selfish. I don't always see it like that though. I may get done with my time with him and feel better. I may focus on a short truth for a short amount of time in order to convince myself that his Word is dwelling in me. But, it's not. I don't ingest enough of his Truth for it to be dwelling.

I was speaking with a friend a little bit ago about seeing God, feeling God. Various Scripture was brought up. {John 8:47, 1 John 4, Matthew 5:8}. We both felt gross. We both felt shameful. We both felt proud. We then realized that we were thankful for the realization of our conviction rather than being blind to it.

So, today I don't feel better. I feel more convicted. Which is awesome? in a really weird way. A few minutes ago, part of me wanted to dig around in a different part of Scripture that was more joyous, more feel good. Ya know...so I could walk away feeling better about myself, so Jesus could make me feel happy wahoo! But, that's a lie. I don't always feel that way with Jesus. And it's that way on purpose? i think. Jesus is Truth. Truth is Jesus. He speaks it. So, with this Truth comes the very ugly depths of my heart. He speaks and I see. I see the parts of me that he points out to be broken, prideful, ignorant....sinful. Why ignore that? That would be ignorant.

So, I'm gonna sit on that today. I'm gonna walk away convicted, uncomfortable. Walk away with my sin in my face so I face truth.