It's taken a night of being alone for this to arise.
A night of watching two very dramatical, fictional TV drama's to stir my tears.
Now? I can't stop.
I don't really know why I cry when I do sometimes.
But I think I might be learning? I think it may be because I'm realizing something's missing. Something that is everything. I miss Jesus. I just....I miss him? And that's the reason for my tears right now.
It's tangled with a conviction that I should miss him? but more because I just DO. My wet cheeks make me feel real and alive and in love with him. Yet? I'm regretful of so much of my damn time I spend without him. So much of my time that I question if I even do love him because of my LACK of time with him. I keep trying to dodge his presence? because I don't like feeling this vulnerable.
I can't ignore it anymore...yet, even saying that is hypocritical of me because I've been here before.
I want to love Jesus and I want it to be obvious. It doesn't look like it at work. It doesn't look like it...anywhere? Now I'm thinking of church and what people may think about me? (Cue "Stained Glass Masquerade") I say I love Jesus more than I do. (I have no more words....)
