Powerful is HE.

I've felt God's power. It's not as if it's been some epiphany and I'm always lingering in this powerful midst. I suck, and quite frankly, there's many moments when I doubt. When I don't feel this power. When I don't believe this power. But, I know for a fact, that I've felt it. Thus, I can testify to it. I can look back and know that it does indeed exist because I have SEEN it. Even if for only five minutes. 

His power enables putting 'self' to the side. Legitimately wanting to hurt more than hurting another. Overlooking pride. It means filtering thoughts before they become words. His power enables a simple trust. Not needing details. His power gives peace. Peace for the unknown, peace amidst brokenness, peace by letting go. His power brings love. Love to an enemy; heck, even laughter. Love to this new friend. His power declares understanding among worldly impossibilities. His power shadows need for acceptance. His power begins the process of restoration. Process being the magnified part of the power. His power ignites a soul to want what he wants. And I want that alone (this may be part of those five minutes?).

...His power indescribably makes sense. 

introspection.

I'm in the middle of a movie, and I paused it. To write. To reflect. To talk...well, to give my thoughts, to Jesus.

(cue 'Good Life' by OneRepublic.)

I'm quite the extrovert. I get my energy from people. Not exactly from solitude. But, I may be starting to disagree with that? a little.

When I'm in a certain mood...I'll put on suiting music, I'll hope the weather to match it. I'll do whatever it takes to make my outer surroundings mesh with my inner chaos. To feel. That is, if I want to face it...the chaos. Other times I'll simply dispel both cases. It's almost as if my conscience and my subconscious are battling it out. One's gonna win.

Well, here we are. Movie paused. Bible open. Pen spilling.

I'm enjoying being so introspective? in the sense that I do so with Jesus. I'm not just reflecting on myself, but myself with him. I typically have my 'jesus time' before lunch. I didn't get to it today. And I FELT it. I was scattered, thoughts were wandering, heart was uneasy. I put this movie in because (hah) I didn't want to confront my chaos; better yet, I probably didn't want to confront Jesus. Shame on me for doubting him so. My conscience realized what I was doing and HAD to do something about it. It's not always fun. I don't always find enjoyment with staring at myself in the mirror, facing my ugly heart, facing hurt, and striving to see how this Jesus guy actually sees me. BUT (that's a conjunction for a reason), laying life at his feet is going to legitimately allow me to fall asleep tonight.

....bearing witness to how HE works.

at his feet.

There's something beautiful about coming before the Lord. Coming to him with praise, but even more beautiful? coming to him at your ugliest.

It means being vulnerable enough to tell him what he already knows.
It means owning it.
It means being mad at him.
It means being sad and feeling like its his fault.
It means yelling at him.
It means not being able to stand on your own any longer.
It means feeling weak.
It means depending on his strength.
It means allowing him to be the mediator between you and another.
It means crying to him.
It means being confused.
It means not knowing where else to go.
It means using him as a last resort.
It means knowing he knows the future.
It means wanting to be understood.
It means being faithless.
It means giving up.
It means giving it to him.
It means feeling hopeless.
It means surrendering.


It means being in relationship.