Unconditional love. People tell me we are not capable...not as sinful beings. I think that's a lousy excuse, a ploy. Unconditional love in perfection of it's definition is definitely not possible. We have the God-given ability, however, to strive to love like Christ.
Tonight I experienced this love. I experienced it because God abled it. I didn't plan on it or even be expected to be given the opportunity. Never in a million years. The opportunity for HIM to radiate. Not myself.
I'm beginning to understand what this, unconditional love, means. I have it, first of all, in the example of my Father. I am unable to love like he loves but following close enough in his shadow gives me desire. It means looking past absolutely any and all flaws imaginable to accept someone. It means looking past what makes you feel uncomfortable to reach out to someone. It means moving forward from any vice that may be tempting to pull you backward. It means choosing to ignore any skewed perceptions of someone to hear them out. It means walking with them, in their shoes, to show that you 'get it' even if it makes you an outcast.
Unconditional love is just that. Unconditional. It has no restrictions, no expectations. It has no judgment, no basis for reasoning. It has no need for evidence or investigation. It loves without question.
....and God is love.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
failure.
I'm a failure. I own the fact that I'm a failure. I mean....I fail at owning that I'm a failure..but I'm getting better at it. I'm not just typing these words in hopes that they seep in and I come to believe them. I'm just a failure. plain and simple. failure, sinner...same diff.
I was watching a movie today starring Chris Brown.....beforehand listening to John Mayer. To the public eye, even to myself a couple of months ago, they were slash are scum. These two men have been magnified for their imperfections (forget about the fact that they probably had to work their rear ends off to get to where they are today?). If you don't know why, don't worry about it. (Seriously, don't google the gossipy nonsense. Let it go.) Just know that they messed up pretty 'big time'. Here's the thing. These mess-ups don't define them. Mess-ups don't define us. They don't shape our entire being. The falsely created labels that society and nasty people throw on our foreheads for one mistake are only attempts for them to feel better about themselves.
Today I was able to beautifully reflect on the fact that I thought these two dudes used to be scum. Not anymore. Why? Because we all mess up. Me seeing them as scum only means that I see myself as perfect and am ignorant to my own sin. Instead, it's as if I was able to look at them and have a deep urge to want to walk with them. I want to say it's okay. Maybe this is me wishing someone would say that to me.
With that failure, comes grace. Grace that is only truly heartfelt and not monotonically preached when it is legitimately experienced. Maybe by an individual. Maybe by God. But only from that individual because of God. There's no way to know what grace looks like unless you've been broken in the deepest of valleys. So what do I pray for? I pray for brokenness in order to understand and attempt to comprehend what that word really means and how it really feels from a dude named Jesus.
ps...I thoroughly enjoy listening to John so much more now that I'm not bitter toward him.
I was watching a movie today starring Chris Brown.....beforehand listening to John Mayer. To the public eye, even to myself a couple of months ago, they were slash are scum. These two men have been magnified for their imperfections (forget about the fact that they probably had to work their rear ends off to get to where they are today?). If you don't know why, don't worry about it. (Seriously, don't google the gossipy nonsense. Let it go.) Just know that they messed up pretty 'big time'. Here's the thing. These mess-ups don't define them. Mess-ups don't define us. They don't shape our entire being. The falsely created labels that society and nasty people throw on our foreheads for one mistake are only attempts for them to feel better about themselves.
Today I was able to beautifully reflect on the fact that I thought these two dudes used to be scum. Not anymore. Why? Because we all mess up. Me seeing them as scum only means that I see myself as perfect and am ignorant to my own sin. Instead, it's as if I was able to look at them and have a deep urge to want to walk with them. I want to say it's okay. Maybe this is me wishing someone would say that to me.
With that failure, comes grace. Grace that is only truly heartfelt and not monotonically preached when it is legitimately experienced. Maybe by an individual. Maybe by God. But only from that individual because of God. There's no way to know what grace looks like unless you've been broken in the deepest of valleys. So what do I pray for? I pray for brokenness in order to understand and attempt to comprehend what that word really means and how it really feels from a dude named Jesus.
ps...I thoroughly enjoy listening to John so much more now that I'm not bitter toward him.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Where's the line?
There's always that gray area....that blurred line.
I know this: Ya gotta recognize that sin before you can recognize that Savior!
Here's my gray area: being loving & Christlike VS. standing up for myself & not getting walked all over.
It seems as though this goes hand in hand with being a people pleaser. It seems to me as if that phrase can have both good & bad connotations. Good because you'd rather just go with the flow, push yourself to the side, and simply please others before yourself. Bad because you lose sight of what you truly believe, no longer have a voice, and become controlled by people.
As children of the Father, we're called to love others as Christ loves us. Yes, we fail, but we're still supposed to strive. Thus, God gives us the ability to love people through their sin just like they're given the ability to love us through our sin.
But, does attempting to unconditionally love a person, despite their flaws, at some point come to cease? Maybe that ceasing occurs when they are too proud to realize they're in the wrong, are blind to their sin, and surely aren't sorry for it. One person is poured out until run dry. The other is overflowing. They want to be showered in love and grace, not recognizing they have a legitimate need for it.
When I think of standing up for myself and not caring what other people think, I ask myself if this is possible in love. I think it is. It's not meant to sound selfish or disregard other peoples' feelings. It's about knowing just where that line is, where you know you can no longer sacrifice your total well-being for another who is not willing to even attempt to love you back.
But, when "those people" do legitimately care, they'll want to see your side of it, want to respect you for having an opinion. Love is a two way street (three if you include that dude named Jesus). If they see their own sin, see where they're in the wrong, where they've been hurtful, they're going to naturally want to come running back in eagerness to mend those wounds back together.
I know this: Ya gotta recognize that sin before you can recognize that Savior!
Here's my gray area: being loving & Christlike VS. standing up for myself & not getting walked all over.
It seems as though this goes hand in hand with being a people pleaser. It seems to me as if that phrase can have both good & bad connotations. Good because you'd rather just go with the flow, push yourself to the side, and simply please others before yourself. Bad because you lose sight of what you truly believe, no longer have a voice, and become controlled by people.
As children of the Father, we're called to love others as Christ loves us. Yes, we fail, but we're still supposed to strive. Thus, God gives us the ability to love people through their sin just like they're given the ability to love us through our sin.
But, does attempting to unconditionally love a person, despite their flaws, at some point come to cease? Maybe that ceasing occurs when they are too proud to realize they're in the wrong, are blind to their sin, and surely aren't sorry for it. One person is poured out until run dry. The other is overflowing. They want to be showered in love and grace, not recognizing they have a legitimate need for it.
When I think of standing up for myself and not caring what other people think, I ask myself if this is possible in love. I think it is. It's not meant to sound selfish or disregard other peoples' feelings. It's about knowing just where that line is, where you know you can no longer sacrifice your total well-being for another who is not willing to even attempt to love you back.
But, when "those people" do legitimately care, they'll want to see your side of it, want to respect you for having an opinion. Love is a two way street (three if you include that dude named Jesus). If they see their own sin, see where they're in the wrong, where they've been hurtful, they're going to naturally want to come running back in eagerness to mend those wounds back together.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
exposure.
I never thought I would enjoy, for lack of a better term, my sins being exposed? Maybe not so much enjoy, but feel peaceful about.
I'm seeing more and more the sinner that I am. I've been told my whole life that I am, will confess that publicly on Sunday mornings, and ask to be forgiven. But, again, again, again, I'm experiencing it. The beauty of it? It only displays God's stinkin' glory more and more and more. When you're able to step back, basically say 'I suck', and not see yourself on a totem pole anymore, God is magnified. Less of you, more of him.
I think there are two types of sinners. Those who recognize their sin and seek repentance AND those who simply sin. When we don't seek repentance, there is one thing in the way: pride. Someone tries to tell us we've messed up: no I haven't. Someone tries to point out our insecurities: no I'm not. Someone tries to specify our mistake: no I didn't. (We always know in our heart of hearts that they're right, ps.)
I'm insecure on many levels. I'm working on my insecurity in my sin. Insecurity that is slowly being lifted the more and more I'm exposed. It's sinful of me to be blind to my sin. If I try to put on a facade, push my sin into the shadow, I'm not only fooling myself. I'm fooling every stinkin' person in my midst.
I intensely yearn for truth.
Exposure does many things. It makes me feel like crap. It makes me kick myself in the rear end because I've probably, actually, most definitely, hurt those I love. Truth freakin hurts. Cliche? Of course. It makes me reevaluate, maybe analyze too much? But, most importantly, it shows me where I've screwed over other people, myself, and mainly my God. This, my friends, is what makes me feel sorry for what I've done. Its impossible to feel sorry if it's hidden in the darkness. Then, I have no other desire than to rest, lay, be held tightly in the palm of my Father's hand.
Exposure. It's necessary.
He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds corrections gain understanding. The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor. (Proverbs 15:31-33).
Bottom line: tell me I'm a sinner, tell me when I sin, tell me how I sin, and maybe even point me to the cross when I'm stubborn enough to not believe you.
I'm seeing more and more the sinner that I am. I've been told my whole life that I am, will confess that publicly on Sunday mornings, and ask to be forgiven. But, again, again, again, I'm experiencing it. The beauty of it? It only displays God's stinkin' glory more and more and more. When you're able to step back, basically say 'I suck', and not see yourself on a totem pole anymore, God is magnified. Less of you, more of him.
I think there are two types of sinners. Those who recognize their sin and seek repentance AND those who simply sin. When we don't seek repentance, there is one thing in the way: pride. Someone tries to tell us we've messed up: no I haven't. Someone tries to point out our insecurities: no I'm not. Someone tries to specify our mistake: no I didn't. (We always know in our heart of hearts that they're right, ps.)
I'm insecure on many levels. I'm working on my insecurity in my sin. Insecurity that is slowly being lifted the more and more I'm exposed. It's sinful of me to be blind to my sin. If I try to put on a facade, push my sin into the shadow, I'm not only fooling myself. I'm fooling every stinkin' person in my midst.
I intensely yearn for truth.
Exposure does many things. It makes me feel like crap. It makes me kick myself in the rear end because I've probably, actually, most definitely, hurt those I love. Truth freakin hurts. Cliche? Of course. It makes me reevaluate, maybe analyze too much? But, most importantly, it shows me where I've screwed over other people, myself, and mainly my God. This, my friends, is what makes me feel sorry for what I've done. Its impossible to feel sorry if it's hidden in the darkness. Then, I have no other desire than to rest, lay, be held tightly in the palm of my Father's hand.
Exposure. It's necessary.
He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds corrections gain understanding. The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor. (Proverbs 15:31-33).
Bottom line: tell me I'm a sinner, tell me when I sin, tell me how I sin, and maybe even point me to the cross when I'm stubborn enough to not believe you.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
twisted.
I'm coming to strong terms with the fact that the Bible is way too stinkin' twisted. By us. humans.
God's Word is straight up. It's truth. It's legitimate. It's accurate.
Why do we magnify certain passages and blur others? We find a passage that isn't convicting, makes us feel comfortable because we might just be abiding by it, and to us, it shines, while at the same time, we shove those passages that stir up some dissonance to the side. Are we so insecure that what Jesus really has to say to us makes us put our own spin on it, our own 'interpretation' so we can justify our sins? I think so.
A few examples...
Jesus straight up tells us:
"If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."(Matthew 6:15)
"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven." (Matthew 10:32-33)
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:37)
(In the same regard, I'm not saying to take everything literal such as Mark 9:45 when Jesus says, "If your foot causes you to sin, cut if off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell." Jesus himself used figures of speech to make intriguing points. However, if it were to come down to it, I would rather be footless than hellful.)
There is obviously no doubt about it....that we have a gracious (giving us something we don't deserve), merciful (withholding something we do deserve) God. He is powerful enough to cover all of our sins. And he does. He did. So, for our human selves, it makes sense when such passages make us feel uncomfortable.
I do not bring to light these commands in order to make you feel convicted. I've simply learned that seeing and hearing such truths make us ACT. It makes us see our sin, seek repentance, and go runnin' back to our God of this universe. He's simply using his Word to show us just how legit he is. He's simply trying to save us some heartache because he knows that when we put people, things, objects, ideas before him, it's just eventually going to screw us up even more than our current state. He's being a Father, a father who disciplines, a father who shows, who is, love.
....for God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him (John 3:17).
God's Word is straight up. It's truth. It's legitimate. It's accurate.
Why do we magnify certain passages and blur others? We find a passage that isn't convicting, makes us feel comfortable because we might just be abiding by it, and to us, it shines, while at the same time, we shove those passages that stir up some dissonance to the side. Are we so insecure that what Jesus really has to say to us makes us put our own spin on it, our own 'interpretation' so we can justify our sins? I think so.
A few examples...
Jesus straight up tells us:
"If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."(Matthew 6:15)
"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven." (Matthew 10:32-33)
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:37)
(In the same regard, I'm not saying to take everything literal such as Mark 9:45 when Jesus says, "If your foot causes you to sin, cut if off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell." Jesus himself used figures of speech to make intriguing points. However, if it were to come down to it, I would rather be footless than hellful.)
There is obviously no doubt about it....that we have a gracious (giving us something we don't deserve), merciful (withholding something we do deserve) God. He is powerful enough to cover all of our sins. And he does. He did. So, for our human selves, it makes sense when such passages make us feel uncomfortable.
I do not bring to light these commands in order to make you feel convicted. I've simply learned that seeing and hearing such truths make us ACT. It makes us see our sin, seek repentance, and go runnin' back to our God of this universe. He's simply using his Word to show us just how legit he is. He's simply trying to save us some heartache because he knows that when we put people, things, objects, ideas before him, it's just eventually going to screw us up even more than our current state. He's being a Father, a father who disciplines, a father who shows, who is, love.
....for God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him (John 3:17).
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
crazy?
I'm not fitting in lately. (as if I ever have?)
People think I'm crazy.
They laugh at me.
They roll their eyes.
They try to engrave their worldly logic in my head.
I think crazy is the new normal. Well, my new normal. I'm actually beginning to get a 'high' from it....when people acknowledge that something about me, something about my thoughts is crazy.
I am a stranger to the world and, again, I'm beginning to 'get it'. I'm supposed to be crazy. I'm supposed to seem strange. I'm supposed to be different, peculiar, questionable. I'm not supposed to make sense. I'm not supposed to be comfortable, stagnant. In fact, I refuse. Sure, it may seem a lot easier, but I'm called for something far greater. For risk, for stepping outside the box, for radicalness?
There is a mold that this society has created for a girl like me. I'm supposed to be taking steps to slowly pour myself into that mold. I'm then supposed to be baked at a high temperature and come out with smooth edges and a finished look. What if I'm not supposed to fit that mold? What if I'm the one who creates a new mold? What if I actually listen to my Maker instead of allowing myself to be jabbed at from all angles by humankind?
I'm okay (I think. Yeah, I am.) with not having all the answers. Yes, when answering to people, I get bitter. They want answers. Answers to questions that I don't even have for myself. That's where the crazy comes in. I no longer feel a need to answer to them, to persuade them to 'get it'. I just admit that I am crazy, but that that's where I want to be. There is a unearthly peace in taking the role of an outcast. It almost lifts the pressure when you can come face-to-face with that reality. Face it head on.
My master was rejected, persecuted. It is only obvious that I will, in turn, be rejected, persecuted. But, I'm gonna roll with it. Bring it.
Ps. Thank you D.B. for opening my eyes & E.F. for shedding light.
People think I'm crazy.
They laugh at me.
They roll their eyes.
They try to engrave their worldly logic in my head.
I think crazy is the new normal. Well, my new normal. I'm actually beginning to get a 'high' from it....when people acknowledge that something about me, something about my thoughts is crazy.
I am a stranger to the world and, again, I'm beginning to 'get it'. I'm supposed to be crazy. I'm supposed to seem strange. I'm supposed to be different, peculiar, questionable. I'm not supposed to make sense. I'm not supposed to be comfortable, stagnant. In fact, I refuse. Sure, it may seem a lot easier, but I'm called for something far greater. For risk, for stepping outside the box, for radicalness?
There is a mold that this society has created for a girl like me. I'm supposed to be taking steps to slowly pour myself into that mold. I'm then supposed to be baked at a high temperature and come out with smooth edges and a finished look. What if I'm not supposed to fit that mold? What if I'm the one who creates a new mold? What if I actually listen to my Maker instead of allowing myself to be jabbed at from all angles by humankind?
I'm okay (I think. Yeah, I am.) with not having all the answers. Yes, when answering to people, I get bitter. They want answers. Answers to questions that I don't even have for myself. That's where the crazy comes in. I no longer feel a need to answer to them, to persuade them to 'get it'. I just admit that I am crazy, but that that's where I want to be. There is a unearthly peace in taking the role of an outcast. It almost lifts the pressure when you can come face-to-face with that reality. Face it head on.
My master was rejected, persecuted. It is only obvious that I will, in turn, be rejected, persecuted. But, I'm gonna roll with it. Bring it.
Ps. Thank you D.B. for opening my eyes & E.F. for shedding light.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
i'm clay.
Scripture can take on a new meaning when it's really hitting home, when you feel it through your skin, when you really begin to own it because you experience it.
Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay; you are the potter. We are all the work of your hand. (Isaiah 64:8)
I can count on five separate hands plus a few how many times I've heard this verse throughout my life. I always knew it to be true but never really, really got it.
Clay. It's dirty. It has rough spots. It's stubborn and hard to shape. It takes time to form, to get it just right. It can slip right through your fingertips if it's too wet.. too much of one thing.
A potter has full control of that clay. He is it's maker. He can do whatever the heck he wants with it. He can twist it. He can smash it. He can smoothen it. He can stretch it. He can rip it to pieces. He can hold it tight. He can let it get completely dry. He can water it again.
I am that clay, and God is that he. He is the potter.
Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay; you are the potter. We are all the work of your hand. (Isaiah 64:8)
I can count on five separate hands plus a few how many times I've heard this verse throughout my life. I always knew it to be true but never really, really got it.
Clay. It's dirty. It has rough spots. It's stubborn and hard to shape. It takes time to form, to get it just right. It can slip right through your fingertips if it's too wet.. too much of one thing.
A potter has full control of that clay. He is it's maker. He can do whatever the heck he wants with it. He can twist it. He can smash it. He can smoothen it. He can stretch it. He can rip it to pieces. He can hold it tight. He can let it get completely dry. He can water it again.
I am that clay, and God is that he. He is the potter.
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