failure.

I'm a failure. I own the fact that I'm a failure. I mean....I fail at owning that I'm a failure..but I'm getting better at it. I'm not just typing these words in hopes that they seep in and I come to believe them. I'm just a failure. plain and simple. failure, sinner...same diff.

I was watching a movie today starring Chris Brown.....beforehand listening to John Mayer. To the public eye, even to myself a couple of months ago, they were slash are scum. These two men have been magnified for their imperfections (forget about the fact that they probably had to work their rear ends off to get to where they are today?). If you don't know why, don't worry about it. (Seriously, don't google the gossipy nonsense. Let it go.) Just know that they messed up pretty 'big time'. Here's the thing. These mess-ups don't define them. Mess-ups don't define us. They don't shape our entire being. The falsely created labels that society and nasty people throw on our foreheads for one mistake are only attempts for them to feel better about themselves.

Today I was able to beautifully reflect on the fact that I thought these two dudes used to be scum. Not anymore. Why? Because we all mess up. Me seeing them as scum only means that I see myself as perfect and am ignorant to my own sin. Instead, it's as if I was able to look at them and have a deep urge to want to walk with them. I want to say it's okay. Maybe this is me wishing someone would say that to me.

With that failure, comes grace. Grace that is only truly heartfelt and not monotonically preached when it is legitimately experienced. Maybe by an individual. Maybe by God. But only from that individual because of God. There's no way to know what grace looks like unless you've been broken in the deepest of valleys. So what do I pray for? I pray for brokenness in order to understand and attempt to comprehend what that word really means and how it really feels from a dude named Jesus.

ps...I thoroughly enjoy listening to John so much more now that I'm not bitter toward him.