I never thought I would enjoy, for lack of a better term, my sins being exposed? Maybe not so much enjoy, but feel peaceful about.
I'm seeing more and more the sinner that I am. I've been told my whole life that I am, will confess that publicly on Sunday mornings, and ask to be forgiven. But, again, again, again, I'm experiencing it. The beauty of it? It only displays God's stinkin' glory more and more and more. When you're able to step back, basically say 'I suck', and not see yourself on a totem pole anymore, God is magnified. Less of you, more of him.
I think there are two types of sinners. Those who recognize their sin and seek repentance AND those who simply sin. When we don't seek repentance, there is one thing in the way: pride. Someone tries to tell us we've messed up: no I haven't. Someone tries to point out our insecurities: no I'm not. Someone tries to specify our mistake: no I didn't. (We always know in our heart of hearts that they're right, ps.)
I'm insecure on many levels. I'm working on my insecurity in my sin. Insecurity that is slowly being lifted the more and more I'm exposed. It's sinful of me to be blind to my sin. If I try to put on a facade, push my sin into the shadow, I'm not only fooling myself. I'm fooling every stinkin' person in my midst.
I intensely yearn for truth.
Exposure does many things. It makes me feel like crap. It makes me kick myself in the rear end because I've probably, actually, most definitely, hurt those I love. Truth freakin hurts. Cliche? Of course. It makes me reevaluate, maybe analyze too much? But, most importantly, it shows me where I've screwed over other people, myself, and mainly my God. This, my friends, is what makes me feel sorry for what I've done. Its impossible to feel sorry if it's hidden in the darkness. Then, I have no other desire than to rest, lay, be held tightly in the palm of my Father's hand.
Exposure. It's necessary.
He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds corrections gain understanding. The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor. (Proverbs 15:31-33).
Bottom line: tell me I'm a sinner, tell me when I sin, tell me how I sin, and maybe even point me to the cross when I'm stubborn enough to not believe you.
I think this is an amazing thought in that it supports what Paul says in 1 Timothy: "the worst of sinners" is what he calls himself. I think that yes, you are either a sinner who knows how much they need a savior or you're a sinner who doesn't know about needing a savior. I also believe that sinners who know they need a savior can get caught up in being arrogant about their sin. They walk around showing their sin off as if they know Jesus died for them and that they're forgiven but really...it's not appreciated as much. When we acknowledge our sin we shouldn't be pointing to ourselves, rather we should be pointing to the cross over and over again. Even though it's our sin it's not about us. Even though it shows how real we are, it's not really us. It's really about the sacrifice and grace that God gives us daily. The words we confess on Sunday take extreme work to continually be meaningful, but it's a task I'm willing to take on if it points to Jesus.
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