crazy?

I'm not fitting in lately. (as if I ever have?)
People think I'm crazy.
They laugh at me.
They roll their eyes.
They try to engrave their worldly logic in my head.

I think crazy is the new normal. Well, my new normal. I'm actually beginning to get a 'high' from it....when people acknowledge that something about me, something about my thoughts is crazy.

I am a stranger to the world and, again, I'm beginning to 'get it'. I'm supposed to be crazy. I'm supposed to seem strange. I'm supposed to be different, peculiar, questionable. I'm not supposed to make sense. I'm not supposed to be comfortable, stagnant. In fact, I refuse. Sure, it may seem a lot easier, but I'm called for something far greater. For risk, for stepping outside the box, for radicalness?

There is a mold that this society has created for a girl like me. I'm supposed to be taking steps to slowly pour myself into that mold. I'm then supposed to be baked at a high temperature and come out with smooth edges and a finished look. What if I'm not supposed to fit that mold? What if I'm the one who creates a new mold? What if I actually listen to my Maker instead of allowing myself to be jabbed at from all angles by humankind?

I'm okay (I think. Yeah, I am.) with not having all the answers. Yes, when answering to people, I get bitter. They want answers. Answers to questions that I don't even have for myself. That's where the crazy comes in. I no longer feel a need to answer to them, to persuade them to 'get it'. I just admit that I am crazy, but that that's where I want to be. There is a unearthly peace in taking the role of an outcast. It almost lifts the pressure when you can come face-to-face with that reality. Face it head on.

My master was rejected, persecuted. It is only obvious that I will, in turn, be rejected, persecuted. But, I'm gonna roll with it. Bring it.



Ps. Thank you D.B. for opening my eyes & E.F. for shedding light.