I just told a friend on FB chat that her Jesus time would 'make or break' her. Well, it's breaking me. This morning at church God's Word was about His Word. About the depth that comes along with it, the sowing in one's heart it's able to take (Isaiah 55:10-13, Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23). Coincidence? Nah.
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I saw a girl from high school this weekend. It's been years. She was labeled quite the Rahab back in the day. So, seeing her, guess what I did? I held that same assumption. Upon getting closer to her, God sure jabbed me in the gut. She had nothing but Jesus tattoos all over the place.
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I'm in the middle of really wanting something. Funny that that's what will lead me to talking to Jesus. I remember praying for a solid two days. The third day rolled around and I remember saying, out loud, to Jesus, "I suck. It's funny how I've talked to you more in the past three days than the past three months because I WANT something." I hate myself for this. Not even just because I feel like God is 'mad' at me for this miscommunication...but because I take it for granted.
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I saw a lady with the following tattoo: Only God will judge me. I've seen this on more than one person in my day. I used to read this and stubbornly think that person was stubborn, one who broke the rules, didn't care what people thought, and just strolled through life with no regrets. You know what? I think these people just got it right. They've got it figured out. They really do know who has that judgment call and they don't walk around trying to please other people. They're probably more honest, more raw, more genuine.
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I'm cold...on the inside. My heart's hardened. I'm past denial...so that's the first step right? Again, this morning, in the midst of the prayers, I read for God to change my heart that had been "hardened to resist God's mercy." It was quite appropriate. Actually kinda freaked me out. It was right on.
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God's grace is shown to me by the people he's given to love me. It's been quite evident the past 2 weeks. I'm blessed by paths I've crossed. I know when people are genuine, when I matter, and when I was just a glimpse. The shortest text, the smallest message, the voicemail...God's grace.
Some things I've been holding tight a lot recently:
ReplyDelete"Each day, it is absolutely crucial for me to listen for God’s voice, affirming that I am God’s beloved child. Only then can I resist the temptation to reinhabit my false identity. Only when I am listening to God’s voice, and not my own, am I set FREE from having to prove to the world (or to myself) that I am worth loving, because God has already, repeatedly, affirmed his love for me.” ~ Fil Anderson
“‘God loves you’ is not a platitude or a simple answer for all of life’s hurts. It is the most radical, most complex truth of your existence, the most poignant hope of your heart.” – Jerusha Clark