freedom?

I've felt a sense of freedom over the past few weeks (yes, for all the wrong reasons). With that, I've felt the need to 'indulge' (whatever that means. you can paint the picture for what it may mean to you..for yourself). There's been this need to prove that I'm 'normal', not perfect, and basically a sinner? ...not that I didn't know that....just to live it out.

I guess I'm trying to say it the way Merriam-Webster explains it: "the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint."

Again, I don't know who I was trying to prove this to...probably myself? Maybe I saw it as another step to becoming mature? I'm not really sure.

Then the past 9 days happened. A rejection of type phone call. Sin. Discouragement. Sin. The second rejection of type phone call.

All of a sudden, I'm running. This time? TO God. NOT in my freedom. Then, I hear this:

"There's only one way to wash yourself clean...so let the dirt fall and get on your knees. There are a million scars for every mistake...but we are not chained to the secrets that we make" (Sons & Daughters).

In the midst of what I thought to make me feel free, was really weighing me down. What I thought would make me feel 'lighter', only felt heavy. What I thought to be of Jesus, was of Satan. I let my freedom in this world rule over my freedom in Christ.

....but we are not chained. let it go.