..are lost.
You know that bubble that I described in my last post? Yeah..I think I'm starting the process of breaking through.
In all honesty, I'm wandering. I don't know where I'm going. I'm not enjoying the hand that God has dealt me. My sinful self is quite tired of it. The worst part? I fear the future. Like....dread it. Sometimes, the next ten minutes scare me when I don't know what they'll look like. I was at a volleyball game last night and praised Jesus for the match lasting five games instead of three for the simple fact that I knew what the next half hour would look like. Pitiful.
Heck. Thinking about the way the next two months will span out scares me even more. Clearly, I have issues with control if what is uncontrolled can scurry to my core. I'm at a point where I have NO other option than to trust Jesus. Even if that means I don't want to...I FEEL/OWN that I have to (this is me praying that he brings me to the place where I want to just to want to). No matter the control that I try to entrust to myself, no matter how tight I try to hold on, God is going to do whatever the heck he wants. If I resist (which I totally will and have), then shame on me. That's me adding hurt to myself. If I'm willing, if I back off and let him take THIS, take the next ten minutes, take today, take the next two months, his will inevitably will be clearer to me. Crazy that he already knows what he's doing with me and what he's going to do with me. His WILL will be done either way. I have absolutely no say in that. But, I do have a say in whether or not I'm going to be stubborn and resistant or willing and trustful.
"I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." (John 16:33 MSG)
I may be wandering, but I am not lost. Part of breaking through that bubble is having my eye on the cross. Jesus is the end result, and I'm on a path leading to him. I'll probably stray, I'm already swerving, but I'm willing to let him position my feet, even if it means going off course to enable him to strengthen this heart of mine.
Really enjoy this post, as for so many of us we have to realize God knows our future and just trust in Him....our human nature wants to take control and fix this or that, and want it NOW... thanks for keeping me closer to God with your words.
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