faint-hearted?

I'm sitting here with my Bible open. I stumble upon Psalm 62. I begin to read....

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken..."

I was about to say, "No it doesn't. No he's not. Yeah I will." ha. But, just because I say so, doesn't mean it's true. What's true, is what he says.

I think I'm faithless lately? I sure don't find rest in God alone. He isn't my rock. He isn't the thing I wake up for, the thing I walk through life for. He's been pretty minimal.

Typically when I'm reading what he has to say to me through his Word I'm either convicted and encouraged to act or comforted by being understood. Both of these leave me feeling connected. Right now, I'm getting neither. I'm getting this sense of....cringing? For the obvious fact that I am not trusting in him to be this fulfillment for myself and that I just simply don't believe it but know it to be true?

I want to be more faithful. That comes from God right? I guess I just have to be more willing. It's as if I'm trying to break out of a bubble. It's clear. I can see through it. I can see where I need to be. I just can't get there. I try to force my way out and I feel walls. It's only visionary. When I begin to act, I feel the trap. Thus, I don't act. I'm stagnant. I don't move, I don't even attempt to take a step because that feels better than the rejection of the trap. The barrier.

As David continues, it's almost as if he has to convince himself of this truth as well. He tries to persuade? his soul to find rest in God alone. He then repeats that God is his rock, salvation, fortress, and that he will not be shaken. I wonder if he had thoughts similar to my own?

I think it's okay to be faithless sometimes because God proves to be faithful for us.