introspection.

I'm in the middle of a movie, and I paused it. To write. To reflect. To talk...well, to give my thoughts, to Jesus.

(cue 'Good Life' by OneRepublic.)

I'm quite the extrovert. I get my energy from people. Not exactly from solitude. But, I may be starting to disagree with that? a little.

When I'm in a certain mood...I'll put on suiting music, I'll hope the weather to match it. I'll do whatever it takes to make my outer surroundings mesh with my inner chaos. To feel. That is, if I want to face it...the chaos. Other times I'll simply dispel both cases. It's almost as if my conscience and my subconscious are battling it out. One's gonna win.

Well, here we are. Movie paused. Bible open. Pen spilling.

I'm enjoying being so introspective? in the sense that I do so with Jesus. I'm not just reflecting on myself, but myself with him. I typically have my 'jesus time' before lunch. I didn't get to it today. And I FELT it. I was scattered, thoughts were wandering, heart was uneasy. I put this movie in because (hah) I didn't want to confront my chaos; better yet, I probably didn't want to confront Jesus. Shame on me for doubting him so. My conscience realized what I was doing and HAD to do something about it. It's not always fun. I don't always find enjoyment with staring at myself in the mirror, facing my ugly heart, facing hurt, and striving to see how this Jesus guy actually sees me. BUT (that's a conjunction for a reason), laying life at his feet is going to legitimately allow me to fall asleep tonight.

....bearing witness to how HE works.